From victim to victorious

The old  adage that you can’t put a square peg in a round hole applies is true.  I spent most of my life feeling like a square peg being shoved into a round hole. I was expected to conform to unspoken and unrealistic expectations by an abusive and  narcissistic mother who ruled our home with an iron will and fist.

Can a toxic environment set up for you for lifetime of rejection and failure?   Absolutely, it can turn you into a victim filled with rejection and shame.  When you’ve  been abused, traumatized, and broken by life, it leaves unseen scars on your soul and spirit which is reflected in how you live your life and interact with others. Abuse and trauma can turn you into people pleaser, which can put you at risk of being used, abused and  traumatized all over again.  

But you don’t have to remain a victim.

I knew I needed help and made an appointment with a counselor. The first thing he said when sat down in his office was “You have victim written all over your face and I’m going to teach you how to stop acting like one.”   And he did.  The hardest part for anyone who has been abused is to reach out for help and admit you’re a victim and be willing to change.  Then you have to learn how to replace old negative thinking and behaviors with new ones and that takes time, patience and determination.  It may feel like you go three steps forward, then ten backwards but never give up and don't try to do it alone. A good counselor, support group and kind loving friends help make the journey easier. 

My first assignment was to stop looking downward while walking. Instead,  look straight ahead and walk with purpose,  which was  easier said than done,  Or so I thought.   I was walking home from the movie theater one evening.   But as I headed across the bridge four rough looking  men came from the other direction.  A paralyzing fear crept up my spine and into my thoughts. But the counselors words  suddenly echoed  in my mind. I sucked in a deep breath, said a quick prayer,. When I got closer  the four men said  hello and parted so I could pass by. I nodded and kept going. When I finally reached the other side of the bridge I let out a sigh of relief. I couldn’t believe it worked and let out a holler of joy.

  That night was the first step in my journey towards healing and wholeness.  It wasn’t easy  and I made a lot of mistakes along the way.   But over time with  God’s help  and my counselor, I got stronger and more determined to become the person I was meant to be.  We all have weakness, fears, limitations, behaviors and bad habits that can be hard to break without help.

No one knows your story, they haven’t walk in your shoes or struggled to overcome the things you’ve gone through. So don’t listen to naysayer, who are  stuck in the pit of their own lives.  You’re brave, strong,  beautiful inside and out.  God took what the enemy meant for evil and turned your life into something good and wonderful.  So live it and be proud of who you are and how far you’ve come.

A comment  from reader:  Excellent advice here. I'd just love to highlight the entire article. All so true. You've given some great tips on what many need to do.

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